instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the British Royal Family, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local supermarket is a front for the evil works of the British Royal Family. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to create a race of slaves. They've already claimed victims - everyone from Margaret Thatcher to David Shayler have been caught out. Only the Spice Girls has seen through the scam, which is why the Venusian commander-in-chief, in cahoots with the British Royal Family, is trying to fake a misson to Mars with a view to putting an end to the Spice Girls. "

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