instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from Bill Clinton, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local supermarket is a front for the evil works of Bill Clinton. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to pave the way for a world state under despotic rule. They've already claimed victims - everyone from Monica Lewinsky to Richard Tomlinson have been caught out. Only Rambo has seen through the scam, which is why the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force, in cahoots with Bill Clinton, is trying to destroy the economic centres of the world with a view to putting an end to Rambo. "

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