instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from Charlton Heston, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The UFO sitings over Moscow are actually mass hallucinations engineered by Charlton Heston to make Boris Yeltsin and other enemies of the British Royal Family think they are not alone. In the ensuing paranoia, Charlton Heston and the British Royal Family plan to hide the evidence of human eugenics experiments. If you see UFOs, close your eyes - it's all a trick. Meanwhile, a special task force led by George Bush is being set up to tackle the problem. "

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