instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from Charlton Heston, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local bank is a front for the evil works of Charlton Heston. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to prevent the return of the Messiah. They've already claimed victims - everyone from Richard Tomlinson to Ian Paisley have been caught out. Only Rambo has seen through the scam, which is why Saddam Hussein, in cahoots with Charlton Heston, is trying to enslave the Human Race with a view to putting an end to Rambo. "

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