instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian envoy, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Isn't it obvious that Boris Yeltsin has been killed by the Martian envoy and replaced by an agent of the FBI who has undergone extensive plastic surgery? Clearly the Martian envoy is planning to establish a global oil cartel when the agent of the FBI assassinates Dan Quayle. The only solution is for the Vietnam Veterans Association to stop the Martian envoy and the FBI, which is impossible unless NATO will pass a resolution to allow the public to own main battle tanks. "

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