instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian envoy, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The UFO sitings over the Alps are actually mass hallucinations engineered by the Martian envoy to make Boris Yeltsin and other enemies of the Venusian commander-in-chief think they are not alone. In the ensuing paranoia, the Martian envoy and the Venusian commander-in-chief plan to hide the evidence of human eugenics experiments. If you see UFOs, close your eyes - it's all a trick. Meanwhile, a special task force led by our Venusian protectors is being set up to tackle the problem. "

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