instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the British Royal Family, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local bank is a front for the evil works of the British Royal Family. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to pave the way for an alien invasion. They've already claimed victims - everyone from the Pope to Osama bin Laden have been caught out. Only our Venusian protectors has seen through the scam, which is why the FBI, in cahoots with the British Royal Family, is trying to pave the way for a world state under despotic rule with a view to putting an end to our Venusian protectors. "

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