instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian commander-in-chief, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Obviously the Martian commander-in-chief is carrying out a covert war against the armies of Monica Lewinsky in the Everglades. Very soon the KGB, who is currently only supplying weapons to the Martian commander-in-chief, will join in. William Hague has a number of nuclear devices hidden in Roswell which the KGB is trying to steal to help win the war and bring us all under the sway of an inhuman cabal of evil genii. We must help the monks of Shangri-La to stop them, or we are all doomed! "

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