instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from MI5, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The FBI informant in my basement is telling me that MI5 is plotting to pave the way for an alien invasion while the Pope is being persecuted by the Venusian ambassador to draw attention away from the vile plans of MI5. "

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