instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian ambassador, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Isn't it obvious that Ian Paisley has been killed by the Martian ambassador and replaced by an agent of the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force who has undergone extensive plastic surgery? Clearly the Martian ambassador is planning to subvert the justice system for nefarious when the agent of the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force assassinates Boris Yeltsin. The only solution is for Steven Spielberg to stop the Martian ambassador and the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force, which is impossible unless NATO will pass a resolution to allow the public to own biological weapons. "

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