instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian commander-in-chief, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The UFO sitings over Pristina are actually mass hallucinations engineered by the Martian commander-in-chief to make Ronald Regan and other enemies of Charlton Heston think they are not alone. In the ensuing paranoia, the Martian commander-in-chief and Charlton Heston plan to bring us all under the sway of an alien supermind. If you see UFOs, close your eyes - it's all a trick. Meanwhile, a special task force led by our Venusian protectors is being set up to tackle the problem. "

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