instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian envoy, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The FBI informant in my basement is telling me that the Martian envoy is plotting to hide the evidence of alien visitations while Osama bin Laden is being persecuted by MI5 to draw attention away from the vile plans of the Martian envoy. "

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