instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Venusian commander-in-chief, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The UFO sitings over the Texas School Book Depository are actually mass hallucinations engineered by the Venusian commander-in-chief to make Monica Lewinsky and other enemies of MI5 think they are not alone. In the ensuing paranoia, the Venusian commander-in-chief and MI5 plan to destroy the economic centres of the world. If you see UFOs, close your eyes - it's all a trick. Meanwhile, a special task force led by the Spice Girls is being set up to tackle the problem. "

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