instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Venusian ambassador, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The UFO sitings over Pristina are actually mass hallucinations engineered by the Venusian ambassador to make Richard Tomlinson and other enemies of the CIA think they are not alone. In the ensuing paranoia, the Venusian ambassador and the CIA plan to bring us all under the sway of a despotic ruler. If you see UFOs, close your eyes - it's all a trick. Meanwhile, a special task force led by George Bush is being set up to tackle the problem. "

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