instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Branch Davidian Sect, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Isn't it obvious that Boris Yeltsin has been killed by the Branch Davidian Sect and replaced by an agent of the Illuminati Organisation who has undergone extensive plastic surgery? Clearly the Branch Davidian Sect is planning to bring about a new Great Flood when the agent of the Illuminati Organisation assassinates Monica Lewinsky. The only solution is for the monks of Shangri-La to stop the Branch Davidian Sect and the Illuminati Organisation, which is impossible unless NATO will pass a resolution to allow the public to own biological weapons. "

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